Fiesta de San Ignacio de Loyola

I nearly forgot. On our way back from a walk today, we reached our parish church as the mass ended, and a few minutes later, some Ecuadorian members of the congregation came out of the parish hall, and danced, while everyone else looked on. July 31st is the feast of San Ignacío de Loyola, founder of the Jesuit order. Maybe there are lots of Jesuits in Ecuador? I don't know, but the women looked lovely in their embroidered blouses, with their shawls pinned to their huge straw hats.

I took one of the men for a morris dancer at first, because of his beribboned hat, except that I've never seen a morris man in a poncho and llama fur trousers. On the other hand, I never thought I'd see a devil figure, second-cousin to a Morris Fool or Beast, as master-of-ceremonies outside a Roman Catholic church, with the parish priest and congregation enjoying the show! We know the Spanish took Christianity to 'Latin' America: interesting to see that the cultural traffic isn't all one way.

Sorry some of the pics are a bit blurry, but I felt intrusive enough waving a camera behind the congregation. I wasn't about to weave through to a decent vantage point! And I'm not 100% sure I've got the right nationality (again - gatecrashing tourist) but I've searched online and in my precious Worldwide History of Dress, so .....90%?! If anyone can reassure me, or correct me, I'll feel much better!

While everyone else chatted, and waited to start, the man on the right gave the - fool? - devil? - a few pointers on his moves.

Pots, Privacy & Peas: Paradise

I've got this notion: dappled shade. That's what we're going to have. Also beautiful growing things: healthy, handsome, aromatic, delicious!

Terrace as paradise. I learnt from Paul Fleischman's Seedfolks that the word paradise came into English, via Old Persian and Greek, from the older Avestan (Eastern Iranian language) para daesa, or pairidaêza, meaning walled garden - from which the Spanish word pared (wall) is derived. Persian gardens........

The picture so far:

PEAS!

Look at that shoot!

Keef planted these in late June. Neither of us knows anything about growing things from seed, so we just keep watering, and watching, and most of them are coming up. We've had blossom since Thursday, and there's another 30cm to come, according to the packet. It's been fascinating to see these very strange plants opening up and throwing out wiggly tendrils. We nudged them towards the railings at first, but they've got the idea now. Looking forward to paradise peas with mint. Until then I suppose we'll just have to continue with our evening mojitos to use it up - you can't leave mint growing unchecked: it could take over the planet...

Where was I? Oh yeah..

So Keef said, "Remember the blue wall in that glasshouse at Normanby Hall?
I want to paint that wall blue."

And I said, "Um... ok."

My husband the genius. Fab!
The troughs have not done well, and those two arum lilies scorched in the sun, and have since moved indoors with me (Sit in the sun? In Spain? In Summer? Talk to the leaf, honey. I don't think so!).

Otherwise, isn't it beautiful? When you think of calming blues, you think aqua... sky... duck-egg... teal... But cobalt? Except it works. It would be hideous under northern light - sallow and garish in summer and cold and garish in winter. Here, though, although we're north of the Equator, Madrid light doesn't have the blue-grey or white softness or the cold, yellow-grey slatey cast that you find further north. Under this sun, orange is the real colour of Spain (Apologies to the Dutch, but it's true.) because the sun makes it sing at this latitude. And cobalt blue is simply... cool.

So, peas, herbs, and a dream of dappled shade. And privacy. And filtering the sun, but welcoming every breeze.

There was tatty barasti (woven palmleaf fencing) attached to the railing on the street side. Keef hated it because it was ugly, with it's old cable ties, torn bindings and random bits of satin ribbon holding it up. He had a point.

But I liked it as a very practical privacy screen between us and the people across the road, because I like working with what I've got rather than binning it and starting afresh (Think entire fitted kitchens in skips, rather than fencing!) but mostly for its nostalgic associations with a more human, down-to-earth version of life in Dubai: the pre-madness Dubai of Chicago Beach Village, Jebel Ali Village, Fridays at Eric's, Brian & Sami, Pete & Louise, Peter's place near the Fishing Village, the Rugby Club, etc. So much weight on a collection of sticks held together with string!

But it was definitely ugly. I used cable ties to mount an opened-out, wrought-iron screen set with red glass tealight holders against the railings, sandwiching the barasti in between. That meant meant I could strip off the exhausted fabric binding and dispense with the bits of ribbon and old cable ties. That increases the height of the fence and has a net curtain effect in the lower part but lets the sky through in the upper part. It looks pretty from below, with the glow of sunlight through red glass; and it's sturdy enough to support the climbers that will work their way through it, and over the washing-line web strung overhead. And we both like it!

It's tempting to rush and buy lots of stuff for instant effect, but for me, gardening is the ultimate art of the possible, and starts with dreams and patience, and learning the quirks of your patch.

And brutal August is just around the corner, so that's pretty well it til chrysanthemum time. Must find out when to put crocuses, narcissi and tulips in. And spuds. Maybe I can order several kilos of soil from Lincolnshire, so that my beloved can have proper new potatoes...

And a compact composter, and a rainbarrel, and some ducky little solar-powered fairy lights....

Next year, I'm going to set a summer windbreak of beans, courgettes and pumpkins; un-temperamental, scrambling, brilliantly flowered climbers with sturdy stems, shady leaves and handsome fruits to delight our eyes and fill our stomachs, then die away to let the winter light through.

And lemon verbena ,

lemon-scented geranium ,

nicotiana alata , jasminum nitidum and galan de noche (cestrum nocturnum) for wonderful smells by day (for Keef) and in the evening (for me!).

And trailing geraniums and petunias.

And nasturtiums cos I love 'em.

And a hibiscus. Gotta have a hibiscus.

And maybe a lime tree to keep the lemon tree company.

Paradise.

De Madrid al Cielo

Our patch of sky

It may not be a beautiful view, but it's comfortable - our neighbourhood, as seen from our eyrie. It's very peaceful up here. And when we go down, this is a long-established barrio, with a mixture of traditional old brick casitas and mid-rise apartment buildings from every decade since, and more in progress. (Note cranes.)

There are parks and playgrounds, an indoor market, a Sunday market, a sports centre, cafe bars, a state-of-the-art library and theatre, a children's theatre, a busy church, schools and health facilities, and lots of family businesses rather than chainstores.

Up the steps and round the corner (also down the steps and round the corner) there are Chinese bazaars and restaurants, Arab butchers and grocers, Indian grocers, traditional bakeries, greengrocers, a deli, a bookshop, a newsagent, a tobacconist, an ironmonger, hairdressers, a vet, a seed and petfood shop, a florist, even a third generation basketweaver.

And beyond them, close enough to walk, but too far for traffic noise and crowded pavements, are calle Bravo Murillo, a main shopping street on main bus and Metro lines, and Plaza de Castilla, a strange clutter of interesting monuments and landmark buildings placed too close together to be appreciated - and a whopping great bus/train/Metro interchange from which you can get to pretty well anywhere in Spain, or get to Barajas Airport with just one change. Madrid is very good at public transport! Basically we've got the best of city life here: it's all at our feet if we want it, and when we don't, we hardly know it's there.

And when the sun goes down,
it's not bad at all.

The Golden Goose - extended version - 2nd EFL summer camp play

I wrote the short version of The Golden Goose for 6-10 year-olds, but it caught the fancy of the older ones, so this is the extended version, as performed by 6-13 year-olds last summer. The notes are largely the same as in the shorter version.

Two takes on a classic fairy tale, one set inside the other. The Prologue is set in the palace, where various characters are trying to make the princess laugh. Some of them are going to perform a play for her, but first there's a problem to be resolved.

• You can change and expand the Prologue entertainment to suit your children: We had a 6 year old, a 7 year old, and then seven 10-13 year-olds, so we worked from our particular children's ages, interests and abilities.
• The puppet show was a specific project with the two little ones, which was integrated into the show. The Prologue puppeteers argue about the little girl and the old man, and then play them in the main play.
• A 10-year-old had limited English and a short attention span, but he proved to be a natural juggler and percussionist with great balance, hence the poi, and the role of the Goose (comic, only says 'Honk!), and Tom (physical role, very structured setting for language - to stretch him a bit!)
• The Landlord and the Narrator could be split, but we had one boy who just soaked up lines, and had great presence, so the contrast gave him an enjoyable challenge. He had a trilby with a Narrator ticket in it, which he removed to indicate the change to Landlord. The narration actually passes from character to character.
• Mother/Princess and Father/King can be split to provide two more actors with roles, but if you've got another half-dozen children to cast, I suggest you go back to the original story, and you'll find that the landlord actually had three daughters, and Dumling and the goose meet several other characters before they happen to walk past the palace window. When your kids see the way I've played with the original, they'll see what a short, structured and entertaining improvisation/writing challenge it would be to choose, script and rehearse other characters and their encounter with the Golden Goose. Then there's the pleasure of choosing and making appropriate props to indicate character, writing the programme, doing the posters and doing the show. The Prologue is as much variety show as plot mechanism. Just because the princess doesn't laugh, it doesn't mean that the performers are no good!
• Alternatively, cut the Prologue, and the main play is short enough for a class assembly, though you'll need to tinker with the King's and the Princess's lines - or see the short version.
• If your kids write new characters, they could do their own character-appropriate acrostics. There's a section on acrostics in Writing With Children, by Jackie Reilly and Vanessa Reilly, in the Oxford Resource Books for Teachers series for primary/junior years.
• The play is in the narrative present, which gives second language learners lots of relatively painless practice at third person singular, contractions and weak forms. If you have lower secondary native speakers, they could try restoring the full forms to see whether they get an old-fashioned, fairytale feel or whether the combination with the contemporary tone (and their characters) produces something ironic and subversive. All good fun.
• We did this in a rectangular room, with the audience in one half and the acting space in the other. The actors sat on chairs on two sides of the acting space, with their props and costume bits under their chairs, or on a shelf behind them. This encouraged responsibility for personal props, made for quick entrances and exits, and meant, with no backstage or wing space - there was no need for backstage noise control. Love it.
• Silly Sally had huge yellow crepe paper bows in her hair, and a hula hoop.
• The goose had some gold-coloured cloth tied around her shoulders, and a long-beaked half-face mask. These don't come in children's sizes, but you could build up something light, stable and comfortable with papier mache and wire, and if it doesn't fit comfortably, staple it to a hairband, and your actor can wear it like a unicorn' horn, and play it for laughs.
• Colin, Princess Nicola, Mum, Dad and the King had tabards with their acrostics on them in large letters. Colin and Nicola's were reversible.
• The King stuck his proclamation poster up with authentic medieval blutak.
• Tom/Colin need a papier mache axe, but I suggest miming the Harley Davidson.

If you'd like to use this version of The Golden Goose, please do, and give me some feedback, ok?! I'd like to know about straight takes, but also what you and your kids do to make it yours.

Noëlle

P.S. Sorry about the formatting. No clue in the blogosphere. As I've said before!

THE GOLDEN GOOSE (extended version)

© Noëlle Williamson 2010

(9 actors doubling 17 roles)

Princess / Mother

Puppeteer 1 / Little Old Man

Puppeteer 2 / Silly Sally (Puppeteers were 6 & 7 years old, and made their own double-fronted puppets from 1.5L water bottles clothed with glued-on fabric scraps and stuffed sock heads with stuck-on wool hair and happy/sad faces drawn with felt tip – tied tightly around the bottle necks. We had a Punch & Judy-style puppet theatre, and the children were visible, holding their puppets. Alternatively, a long loop of string attached at the top of the puppet head makes a basic marionette that a child this age/size can walk along the floor.)

Narrator / Landlord

Father / King

Princess

Poi Juggler / Tom / Goose (small roles for child with good co-ordination/comic flair)

Stage Manager / Dumling (Colin)

Marcus (Injured Hero) This is a cameo for a camp leader/teacher

PROLOGUE

(3-part round to the tune of Frère Jacques - very cheesy, but useful for E2L cast practising contractions & performing to small audience.)

Everyone Hi, I’m XX. My name’s XX.

(I’m XX. My name’s XX.)

(Hi, I’m XX. I’m XX. I’m XX.)

This is our show. (x2) It’s called The Golden Goose. (x2) Now, off we go. Off we go.

Narrator This is Princess Nicola.

Princess Hello.

Narrator She’s Pretty, Rich, Intelligent, Nice, Curious, Energetic,

Princess Sad, and Soooooooooo lonely. I never laugh

King or smile.

Princess Never.

Juggler This is

King The King. I’m Kind, Intelligent, Nice…….. I’m Great!

Juggler The King has a plan to make his daughter smile.

King (writing) WANTED. SOMEONE WHO CAN MAKE PRINCESS NICOLA LAUGH. REWARD. YOU CAN MARRY HER AND LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER.

Signed, The King.

There!

Juggler Are you serious?

King I’m serious.

Princess What? But Daddy!

King So, who wants to marry my daughter?

Juggler Me! Here’s a riddle. What’s brown and sticky?

Princess I don’t know. What is brown and sticky?

Juggler A stick! Boom! Boom!

Princess Boom boom?

Juggler You’re supposed to laugh now. A stick…….. stick – y……… Get it?

Princess You must be joking.

Juggler Yes! No! I mean…………. (Juggler sighs and exits.)

(Stage Manager crosses the stage, puts props on a chair.)

Princess Daddy, who’s that? (Stage Manager looks round, exits)

King I don’t know, Nicola.

Puppeteer 1 I can make you laugh! Tickletickletickle! (Tickles with feather.)

Princess What are you doing?

Puppeteer 1 I’m tickling you. Aren’t you ticklish?

(Princess gives Puppeteer 1 a withering look. Puppeteer 1 sighs and exits.)

(Stage Manager crosses stage, puts props on a chair, smiles shyly at Princess.)

Princess Who - ?

Juggler Look at me! Look at me! (Juggler whirls Poi. Gets tangled, falls over.) Oops! Ta daah!

Princess Ta daah?

Juggler (on floor) You’re supposed to laugh now.

(Princess folds her arms. Juggler sighs. Tries to get up.)

Stage Manager (to Princess) Excuse me. (Stage Manager picks Juggler up and exits.)

Princess Who - ?

(Puppeteer 1 and Puppeteer 2 enter with puppets, start puppet show.)

Puppeteer 1 This is the story of The Golden Goose. It’s VERY FUNNY.

Puppeteer 2 (MUM puppet) Dumling! Go to the woods! Chop down some trees!

Puppeteer 1 (SAD COLIN puppet) Yes Mum.

Puppeteer 2 (SALLY puppet) In the wood, Colin meets

Puppeteer 1 (L.O.M. puppet) A Little Old Man.

Puppeteer 2 (SALLY puppet) A little girl called Sally.

Puppeteer 1 (L.O.M. puppet) A Little Old Man!

Puppeteer 2 (SALLY puppet) A little girl !

Puppeteer 1 (L.O.M. puppet) Man!

Puppeteer 2 (SALLY puppet) Girl!

Puppeteer 1 (L.O.M. puppet) Man!

Puppeteer 2 (SALLY puppet) Girl!

Puppeteer 1 (L.O.M. puppet) Man!

Puppeteer 2 (SALLY puppet) Girl!

Stage Manager Stop! (Either the puppet theatre falls over or marionettes get tangled up. Stage Manager rights theatre or untangles marionettes.)

Princess Who are you?

Stage Manager The stage manager. The summer camp kids are doing a play today –

(Loud crash off-stage. Yells of pain. Marcus enters limping, supported by actors, bandages wrapped around his head)

Stage Manager Marcus! What happened?

Marcus (groaning tragically) I fell over the Cubeecraft (whatever project the kids associate with him) display. Owwwwwwwwww!

Stage Manager Oh no!

Puppeteer 2 You’d better lie down.

Puppeteer 1 Call a doctor! (They help Marcus exit.)

Narrator But the play is about to start.

Stage Manager And he’s playing the hero!

Narrator Well, you’re the stage manager. You’ll have to go on in his place.

Stage Manager But –

Princess (trying not to smile) What a good idea!

Narrator (noticing) Yes. What a good idea! Would you like to sit down, your Highness? (calls out) Places everyone! (Everyone gets into position for the start of the play.)

Narrator Ready? O.k. This is Colin. He's the hero of this story. Colin is Cheerful, Optimistic, Loyal, Intelligent and Nice. The only people who don’t think so are his parents and his brother, Tom. They don’t call him Colin, they call him Dumling. These are Colin’s parents. They're always arguing.

Mum (to Dad) You are Dirty, Awful and Disgusting! I hate you!

Dad (to Mum) Me? You are Mean, Useless and Miserable!

Narrator The only thing Colin’s parents agree about is Colin.

Mum As for you!

Dad You are

Mum Daft

Dad Useless

Mum Messy

Dad Lazy

Mum Idiotic

Dad Nerdy

Mum and Grumpy!

Both You’re a dumling!

Narrator ….and Colin’s brother, Tom

Mum Terrific

Dad Outstanding

Mum Marvellous

Dad That’s my boy!

Narrator Poor Colin. (Colin sighs) Colin’s father is a lumberjack. He chops down trees, and sells the wood. However, he's also very lazy, and h's always thinking of excuses not to go to work. One day,

Dad Ow. I’ve got a headache…No. That was yesterday... Owwwww. I’ve got ear-ache... No. That was last week... Oh! I know! (holds up one hand, with one finger bent out of sight) OOOOOWWWWWWWW! I’ve lost my finger! I can’t find it anywhere! I can’t go to work today. Here, Tom. Take my axe, go to the woods and chop down some trees.

Tom Oh Dad. I don’t want to. I’m playing …………………………….

Mum Never mind, Tom. I’ve made you a little packed lunch. Look: cheese sandwiches, ham sandwiches, egg sandwiches, chicken sandwiches, chocolate cake, apple pie, three bananas, a strawberry milkshake, a peach smoothie, and a litre of orange juice. Do you think that’s enough?

Tom Got any crisps?

Mum / Dad (proudly) That’s my boy!

Narrator Tom gets on his Harley Davidson and rides to the woods. (Tom makes motorbike noises). When he gets there, he's so tired that he goes to sleep under a tree. When he wakes up, he sees

Little Old Man a little old man. Hello Tom.

Tom How do you know my name?

Little Old Man I know lots of things…….. I'm hungry and thirsty. Will you share your packed lunch with me?

Tom Are you kidding? I’ve only got enough for one person: me! Go away old man!

Little Old Man I see. Well you didn’t help me. So I won’t help you.

Tom Well I don’t care! – He’s gone! Huh! I suppose I ought to do some work.

Narrator Tom picks up the axe and swings it, but as soon as the blade hits the tree

Tom (axe bounces and hits him on the head) Ow! Ow ow ow owwwwww! Mum!

Narrator and he runs all the way home.

Mum Oh! My poor baby!

Narrator The next day

Dad Ow. I’ve got a headache… No… Ow. I’ve got ear-ache… No... Ow. I’ve got (holds up one hand) No! Oh! I know!.OOOOOWWWWWWWW! I’ve lost my leg! I can’t find it anywhere! I can’t go to work today. Dumling! Here, Dumling. Go and do some work, you lazy, useless boy.

Colin Sure. Er, can I have a packed lunch, Mum?

Mum A packed lunch? Do you think I’m you’re slave? If you’re hungry, find something in the cupboard.

Colin Is there anything in the fridge?

Mum Only some cheese, ham, egg, chicken, chocolate cake, apple pie, bananas, milk, yoghurt and orange juice, and we need that for your poor sick brother. Don’t we, Tommykins?

Tom Got any crisps?

Mum / Dad (proudly) That’s my boy!

Narrator Poor Colin. (Colin sighs)He finds some stale bread and some water, picks up his father’s axe -

Dad You be careful with that axe! It’s worth a lot of money!

Narrator and sets off for the woods.

Colin When he gets to the wood, he's tired, and sits down under a tree. Suddenly, he sees

Little Old Man a little old man. Hello Colin.

Colin How do you know my name?

Little Old Man I know lots of things…….. I'm hungry and thirsty. Will you share your packed lunch with me?

Colin I've only got a piece of stale bread and some water, but you can have half.

Little Old Man Thank you. (They eat) Now, you helped me, so I'll help you. Look over there.

Colin What is it?

Little Old Man A golden goose. Take her. She'll bring you luck.

Goose Honk!

Colin Thank – He’s gone! Wow! A golden goose. Maybe you’re magic? Can you speak?

Goose Honk!

Colin No…… Can you lay golden eggs?

Goose Honk!

Colin No….. Oh well. Maybe you’ll bring me luck, like the old man said!

Narrator Colin decides to go and seek his fortune. Colin and the golden goose walk a long, long way, until they come to

Colin an inn.

Landlord Welcome to my inn. Rooms 55 euros a night. But your duck can stay in the stable for nothing.

Goose Honk!

Landlord Pardon?! This is my daughter, Sally.

Sally Hello, I’m Sally, and I’m seven.

Landlord This is Sally, and she’s silly!

Sally What’s that?

Landlord It’s a duck.

Goose Honk!

Colin She’s a golden goose.

Sally She’s pretty. Can I have one, Dad?

Landlord No.

Sally Please.

Landlord No.

Sally Pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease?

Landlord Nonononono…………… 55 euros, please, sir.

Colin But I haven’t got any money.

Landlord Goodbye. (leaves)

Colin Oh dear. I’m so tired.

Sally You can sleep in the stable if you like.

Colin Great! Thanks.

Landlord But Sally wants a golden feather from the golden goose. That night, while everyone is asleep, she creeps into the stable, and tries to steal a feather. But when she touches the golden goose –(right hand)

Goose Honk!

Colin What?

Sally Oh! I’m stuck! Help! Help! Dad!

Landlord What’s going on? Sally!

Colin But when the landlord touches Sally – (right hand)

Goose Honk!

Colin What?

Landlord Oh! I’m stuck! Help! Help!

Colin So we all stay in the stable all night long. (All lie down)

Landlord The next morning,

Colin (fresh as a daisy, stretching comfortably) Off we go!

Goose Honk!

Landlord and Sally struggle up. All line up side by side, facing audience, and walk on the spot. Colin enregetic, both arms swinging. Goose waddling, waggling bottom. Landlord and Sally trudging dejectedly)

Landlord We walk miles

Sally and miles

Landlord and miles!

Sally My feet hurt.

Landlord I’m tired.

Sally I want to go home.

Goose Honk!

King At last, they come to a kingdom. My kingdom. Remember me? Kind, intelligent, nice, absolutely great, in fact! And my daughter -

Princess Princess Nicola. Hello again.

King My daughter is pretty, rich, intelligent, nice, curious, energetic,

Princess sad, and soooooooooo lonely. I never laugh

King or smile.

Princess Never.

King But if you remember, I’ve got a plan.

Princess Daddy, no…… Please….. This is so embarrassing!

King Now Nicola, Dad knows best! Everyone, look at this poster.

Everyone WANTED. SOMEONE WHO CAN MAKE PRINCESS NICOLA LAUGH. REWARD. YOU CAN MARRY HER AND LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER.

Signed,

The King

King So, do you like my plan?

Princess No!

Colin Yes! Hang on, I know a very funny joke….

Sally No!

Landlord What?

Sally I want to marry him!

Landlord But you’re only seven.

Sally and a half!

Landlord Right! We’re going home now!

Sally No!

Colin/Landlord Yes (tug-o-war – King joins in)

Lots of shouting and honking. Princess starts laughing.

Little Old Man Look! Look!

Colin Will you marry me?

Princess What? Wait! You’re the Stage Manager, right?

Marcus (Colin) (puzzled) Yes!

Princess O.K. then. Yes!

Goose HONK! (chain breaks, Landlord and Sally fall over)

Narrator/Landlord And we all live happily ever after.

EVERONE THE END!

The Golden Goose - short version - 2nd EFL summer camp play

A classic fairy tale. It's in the narrative present, with lots of contractions as I think the short lines provide an opportunity to drill contractions and weak forms painlessly. However, if you want more of an old-fashioned, fairytale feel, you could go back to the full forms! Note subtle use of adjectives! There's a section on acrostics in Writing With Children, by Jackie Reilly and Vanessa Reilly, in the Oxford Resource Books for Teachers series. Excellent primary/junior resource book, and not just for native speakers.

The narrative passes from character to character.

We did this in a rectangular room, with the audience in one half and the acting space in the other. The actors sat on chairs on two sides of the acting space, with their props and costume bits under their chairs, or on a shelf behind them. This encouraged responsibility for personal props, made for quick entrances and exits, and meant, with no backstage or wing space - there was no need for backstage noise control. Love it.

Silly Sally had huge yellow crepe paper bows in her hair, and a hula hoop. The goose had a half-face mask, and some gold-coloured cloth tied around her shoulders. The King stuck his proclamation poster up with authentic medieval blutak.

If you'd like to use this version of The Golden Goose, please do, and give me some feedback, ok?!

Noëlle

(P.S. Sorry about the formatting. No clue in the blogosphere.)

The Golden Goose - Short Version

© Noëlle Williamson 2010

Characters (8 actors)

Mother

Silly Sally

Landlord

Little old man

Father / King

Princess

Goose

Dumling (Colin)

Princess Hi. I’m Princess Nicola. I'm in this story, but not yet. This is Colin. He's the hero of this story. Colin is Cheerful, Optimistic, Loyal, Intelligent and Nice. The only people who don’t think so are his parents. They don’t call him Colin, they call him Dumling. These are Colin’s parents. They are always arguing.

Mum (to Dad) You're Dirty, Awful and Disgusting! I hate you!

Dad (to Mum) Me? You are Mean, Useless and Miserable!

Princess The only thing Colin’s parents agree about is Colin.

Mum As for you!

Dad You are

Mum Daft

Dad Useless

Mum Messy

Dad Lazy

Mum Idiotic

Dad Nerdy

Mum and Grumpy!

Both You’re a dumling!

Princess Poor Colin. (Colin sighs) He decides to leave home forever. One night, when his parents are asleep, Dumling takes some stale bread and some water, and creeps out of the house.

Colin He walks a long way, until he meets

Old Man a little old man. Hello Colin.

Colin How do you know my name?

Old Man I know lots of things…….. I am hungry and thirsty.

Colin I've only got a piece of stale bread and some water, but you can have half.

Old Man Thank you. (They eat) Now, you helped me, so I'll help you. Look over there.

Colin What is it?

Old Man A golden goose. Take her. She'll bring you luck.

Goose Honk!

Colin Thank – He’s gone!

Landlord Colin and the golden goose walk a long, long way. They come to an inn. Welcome to my inn. Rooms 55 euros a night. But your duck can stay in the stable for nothing.

Goose Honk!

Landlord Pardon?! This is my daughter, Sally.

Sally Hello, I’m Sally, and I’m seven.

Landlord This is Sally, and she’s silly!

Sally What’s that?

Landlord It’s a duck.

Goose Honk!

Colin She’s a golden goose.

Sally She’s pretty. Can I have one, Dad?

Landlord No.

Sally Please.

Landlord No.

Sally Pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease?

Landlord Nonononono…………… 55 euros, please, sir.

Colin But I haven’t got any money.

Landlord Goodbye. (leaves)

Colin Oh dear. I’m so tired.

Sally You can sleep in the stable if you like.

Colin Great! Thanks. (Colin and Goose lie down)

Landlord But Sally wants a golden feather from the golden goose. That night, while everyone is asleep, she creeps into the stable, and tries to steal a feather. But when she touches the golden goose – (right hand)

Goose Honk!

Colin What?

Sally Oh! I’m stuck! Help! Help! Dad!

Landlord What’s going on? Sally!

Colin But when the landlord touches Sally – (right hand)

Goose Honk!

Colin What?

Landlord Oh! I’m stuck! Help! Help!

Colin So we all stay in the stable all night long. (All lie down)

Landlord The next morning,

Colin (fresh as a daisy, stretching comfortably) Off we go!

Goose Honk!

Landlord and Sally struggle up. All line up side by side, facing audience, and walk on the spot. Colin enregetic, both arms swinging. Goose waddling, waggling bottom. Landlord and Sally trudging dejectedly)

Landlord We walk miles

Sally and miles

Landlord and miles!

Sally My feet hurt.

Landlord I’m tired.

Sally I want to go home.

Goose Honk!

King (genial, expansive) At last, they come to a kingdom. My kingdom.

Princess This is my father.

King I’m the king. I’m Kind, Intelligent, Nice…….. I’m Great! And this is my daughter.

Princess Princess Nicola. Hello again.

King My daughter is Pretty, Rich, Intelligent, Nice, Curious, Energetic,

Princess Sad, and Soooooooooo lonely. I never laugh

King or smile.

Princess Never.

King But I’ve got a plan. A kind

Princess intelligent…. nice…

King GREAT plan. Look at this poster.

Everyone WANTED. SOMEONE WHO CAN MAKE PRINCESS NICOLA LAUGH. REWARD. YOU CAN MARRY HER AND LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER.

Signed,

The King

King Do you like my plan?

Princess No!

Colin Yes! Hang on, I know a very funny joke….

Sally No!

Landlord What?

Sally I want to marry him!

Landlord But you’re only seven.

Sally and a half!

Landlord Right! We’re going home now!

Sally No!

Colin/Landlord Yes (tug-o-war – King & Princess join in)

Lots of shouting and honking. Princess starts laughing.

King Look! Look!

Colin Will you marry me?

Princess What? Yes!

Goose HONK! (chain breaks)

Everyone And we all live happily ever after. THE END.